So, I was vacuuming the other day (yes, I do clean the house occassionally:). And I was thinking about what I want for my kids. No, not the latest toy or the coolest summer camp, but what I really want for my kids. I think as parents we can not only encourage our kids into certain habits and behaviors, but we have the unique advantage of teaching our children from an early age how to prioritize their lives. Let’s face it – this life we lead is often crazy, sometimes unmanageable because of all the things we are expected to do and roles we are supposed to face.
Looking back on my life and my childhood, the thing I remember the most is the emphasis placed on education and stability in a career. I think this mostly started with my Grandma Wilson, who never went to college but managed to end up with four kids who all finished a four-year degree (and some even more than that!) I find that incredible and I know that fact always made my Grandma proud. She worked hard at that and I knew from an early age that she must have drilled it into their brains that they will go to college.
As I find my own way in my motherhood, I often wonder exactly what my emphasis will be. I have a tendency to spread myself too thin. *A jack of all trades, master of none* often applies in my thinking process and priorities. And I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking they have to be everything. So, the one thing that I could come up with that trumps all other life attributes is a core one for most mothers, nothing original coming from me:)
Happiness.
I’m not talking about the kind of happiness you get from laughing hard with friends, but rather the sense of contentment you get when you are all alone, thinking about your life during the quiet of the night or during a rainstorm. The feeling that the path you’re life is on is the right one. That you are fulfilled, but not quite satisfied with life to be done with it.
Of course I want to see my kids laugh. I want to see them graduate college. I want to see them find their life partner and have kids. Start a successful career. But more than anything else – I want to know that when they lay their heads on their pillows, they are happy with their life, their parents, their health, their friends, their career, their purpose.
And if they’re not happy, I want them to know that they can change it. That their happiness lies in their hands, even if their fate does not. Sometimes, you have to change things to make yourself happy and sometimes you just have to BE HAPPY regardless of your circumstances or consequences.
So, if Nolan finds his happiness being a teacher in an inner-city school, then that’s what I want for him. If Emma decides that having 6 babies and never having a career is what makes her happy, then that’s what I want for her. And if Clyde is never satisfied unless he’s on some crazy safari in Africa or floating down the river, then that’s what I want for him.
So, what’s the best way to teach them how to be happy? Show them what happiness is. Show them how happy I am to have them in my life. Let them see my passion about my work, my marriage, my family, my decisions. And show them that no matter how many mistakes they make or regrets they may have, happiness is a state that we ultimately choose to have or not have.
So, once again, I find myself trying to lead be example rather than by words. Oh, how much easier it would be to just be able to tell them how to live rather than actually do it. Bitching about my life somehow seems easier than actually changing it or just deciding to be happy.
