My Sunshine June 13, 2008

How appropriate that Emma was born on the first day of summer? She is my sunshine, my warmth, my contentment. Almost five years ago, Emma came into my world and changed it. She made me a mom. Being the first, she has suffered through all of my first-time mom mistakes with grace. She has forgiven me for every misstep I have taken and let her light shine through to let me know that those missteps do not define my motherhood. My motherhood is defined by these three wonderful creatures that have dug a place into my heart that I did not know existed. With them in my life, my life is extraordinary. She is extraordinary in a world that seems so ordinary without her. She is not only my daughter, she is my heart and my hope – maybe because she’s my first, maybe because she’s my only girl, maybe just because she’s Emma.

The sheer pleasure she took in this skirt was extraordinary. I braced myself for this session with her. Most of the time, taking pictures of my kids is nothing short of a one-way ticket to the looney bin. But she was so excited about it that it really took me by surprise. I know she cherishes time with just Mom. And I know she loves her skirt (thanks again, MOM). But I thought for sure that once we got out there, she would get tired or just have her own idea of what to do. And she definitely had her own ideas, but somehow we seamlessly worked together and got the best photos of her that I’ve ever taken (and there have been lots).

It is so important to me that as she grows older, that we remain friends. I will always be her parent, but there is something so much more to our relationship. She laughs with me just because I’m laughing. And she cries with me simply because I’m crying. That’s not just a daughter – that’s an angel, my angel.

I watch her with people, with little kids, with anyone – and you know what makes her the happiest? To see others happy. I used to think that she didn’t have an identity because she depended on others reactions to form her own. But now I think that I’m the one that had it all wrong to begin with. She doesn’t have the identity that I do or that other kids do – she has one that is so much more humble and loving than anything I could have imagined.

If I could freeze time, I would have stopped yesterday evening and held onto it forever.

My Children Have Been Possessed*&!(#*%&# June 13, 2008

Either that or they belong to someone else. They are just being awful this week! We’ve spent more time disciplining the kids than talking to them. Nolan should take up a permanent residence in his time-out chair. Clyde has no possessions in his room other than two outfits and a pair of Crocs. Emma’s not doing too bad on her own, but when mixed up with her brothers, the fighting is just outrageous.

I was talking to the director of the Mother’s Day Out school that the kids go to last night, and she said that it was probably a result of adjusting to the summer routine and that it would probably subside in a few days (thank you Chris!).

So, wish the kids luck this week that they don’t get dropped out in the front lawn that says “Free to Good Home” or found in the basement duct-taped to each other – *sigh* The worst thing is that I know that this is only a fraction of what we’ll probably face when their teenagers.

Good Night,

~Karen

The Best $17 I’ve ever spent!! June 2, 2008

I was in Target the other day, buying way more than I went in there for. I only had Nolan because the other two yahoo’s were still in school. Nolan caught sight of the big humungo bin of big bouncy balls and decided that he just had to have one. I let him play with one and to my surprise he kept himself *and quite a few other patrons* entertained with that ball for about 30 minutes. So, I bought the ball for him *I’m not a softy kind of mom, but how could I deny him hours of entertainment with this ball?*

Upon checkout, the nice employee was commenting on how there are hundreds of big-wig toy company big-boss-bass’s trying to make sure that their company comes up with the next “toy to talk about”. And what do the kids always end up playing with? The balls and the boxes.

Two of the most boring, simple, common shapes and object. And somehow, the simplicity of these objects appeals to every young child out there. Maybe the simplicity of it makes it possible for each kid to allow the object to be whatever the child wants it to be. In their head, maybe it’s a cave in the middle of the jungle. Or a sewer filled with an army of rats that they must combat. Or maybe they can pretend to be a bear hibernating for the winter.

Which leads me to my all-time favorite summer buy – the slip n’ slide! Who didn’t have fun on these as a kid? And their premise is soooo simple. Make a surface wet – and slide down it. Last summer, Emma and Clyde had so much fun on this thing that I found myself praying to the slip n’ slide gods every night and thanking them for making such a simply beautiful product. This was followed by a prayer to the red wine gods which make it possible for me to have a moment at the end of every evening that is all to myself:)

And no one is more passionate, more spirited, more fun-loving, grab life by the horns (and then take a nap) than my Clyde. He could probably slip n’ slide all day long, pretending he was diving off a watercliff in Micronesia or racing to save a baby turtle in dire need. His imagination is endless and so is his energy. I love watching him engage with toys that allow him to explore the far reaches of his mind until he finds a certain adventure that’s just waiting to be explore. Have you ever seen the cartoon Backyardigans? In Clyde’s mind, his backyard really does turn into a dude ranch filled with cattle to be herded, or a vast desert filled with dinosaurs. He is amazing to watch and even more amazing to watch grow.

So, here are my kids – Clyde being adventurous, Emma being cute and docile, and Nolan being goofy. God please let me remember these days – they are such a unique treasure.

Okay, so I just have to comment about this picture below *the rest tell the story on their own*. The other day, I was talking to Nolan and I asked him, “Are you tired?” I fully expected the freak-out that comes after that question that adamantly refuses any admission of fatigue but is shrouded by an overall, subliminal message of “PUT ME TO BED!” But to my surprise, Nolan seemed to yawn, almost on command. I laughed. And being my little clown, he laughed too. And now, ever since then, if I ask him if he’s tired, he gives me the biggest fake yawn that he can muster, waits for me to laugh at him, and then cracks up like he’s the hit on Last Comic Standing – what a little belly buster he’s going to be. So, here it is – documented for him to see when he grows up – t h e f a k e y a w n

What I want for my Kids June 2, 2008

So, I was vacuuming the other day (yes, I do clean the house occassionally:). And I was thinking about what I want for my kids. No, not the latest toy or the coolest summer camp, but what I really want for my kids. I think as parents we can not only encourage our kids into certain habits and behaviors, but we have the unique advantage of teaching our children from an early age how to prioritize their lives. Let’s face it – this life we lead is often crazy, sometimes unmanageable because of all the things we are expected to do and roles we are supposed to face.

Looking back on my life and my childhood, the thing I remember the most is the emphasis placed on education and stability in a career. I think this mostly started with my Grandma Wilson, who never went to college but managed to end up with four kids who all finished a four-year degree (and some even more than that!) I find that incredible and I know that fact always made my Grandma proud. She worked hard at that and I knew from an early age that she must have drilled it into their brains that they will go to college.

As I find my own way in my motherhood, I often wonder exactly what my emphasis will be. I have a tendency to spread myself too thin. *A jack of all trades, master of none* often applies in my thinking process and priorities. And I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking they have to be everything. So, the one thing that I could come up with that trumps all other life attributes is a core one for most mothers, nothing original coming from me:)

Happiness.

I’m not talking about the kind of happiness you get from laughing hard with friends, but rather the sense of contentment you get when you are all alone, thinking about your life during the quiet of the night or during a rainstorm. The feeling that the path you’re life is on is the right one. That you are fulfilled, but not quite satisfied with life to be done with it.

Of course I want to see my kids laugh. I want to see them graduate college. I want to see them find their life partner and have kids. Start a successful career. But more than anything else – I want to know that when they lay their heads on their pillows, they are happy with their life, their parents, their health, their friends, their career, their purpose.

And if they’re not happy, I want them to know that they can change it. That their happiness lies in their hands, even if their fate does not. Sometimes, you have to change things to make yourself happy and sometimes you just have to BE HAPPY regardless of your circumstances or consequences.

So, if Nolan finds his happiness being a teacher in an inner-city school, then that’s what I want for him. If Emma decides that having 6 babies and never having a career is what makes her happy, then that’s what I want for her. And if Clyde is never satisfied unless he’s on some crazy safari in Africa or floating down the river, then that’s what I want for him.

So, what’s the best way to teach them how to be happy? Show them what happiness is. Show them how happy I am to have them in my life. Let them see my passion about my work, my marriage, my family, my decisions. And show them that no matter how many mistakes they make or regrets they may have, happiness is a state that we ultimately choose to have or not have.

So, once again, I find myself trying to lead be example rather than by words. Oh, how much easier it would be to just be able to tell them how to live rather than actually do it. Bitching about my life somehow seems easier than actually changing it or just deciding to be happy.

Our Own Family Blog! June 2, 2008

So, I’ve been thinking about doing this blog for awhile now – as usual, my thinking got in the way of the doing:) I have so many things that I want to write about my kids, my thoughts and my own experiences as a mother. I feel like these days are flying by so fast that I won’t remember them once they are done. I hope one day Emma, Clyde and Nolan all can read this and see how I really felt about being their mother.